I could go on and on about what I have discovered in my journey. In fact, I have over the last fifteen years, in the Pair of Cleats issues. But for the next two issues I thought I would surmise all of my random thoughts into one working document. It is a working document because I am no where near done with this journey.

Parents are number one. Honestly, I haven't believed this point during my entire youth ministry career. I at one time believed the myth that adolescents pull away from adults, especially their parents, as they strive for independence during adolescent development. The recent Time article on 13-year olds mentioned this myth again, "We know that 13- year olds are going to move away from their parents. The question is, Where are they going to move to? In the youth pastors, they see people who drive jeeps and love Jesus." (Bryan Wilkerson, senior pastor at Grace Chapel, Time, August 8, 2005) Teens do pull away in one way or another, but they never want adults out of their lives, especially their parents.

I could re-list the numerous studies here of how important teens believe their parents are but I won't. Just know that parents really are number one and your youth ministry needs to reflect that if you truly want to help teens. We believe this fact so much that we have created an entire section on our webpage with resources.

I do love Jesus but I don't drive a jeep. I don't think driving a jeep matters that much overall to teens. But parents do.

Raise the youth in the church family. Youth need community. That statement has been repeated often and used as a reason (or excuse) for the many things we do in youth ministry. The result is we have our youth programs, youth rooms, and most currently, some churches are even running their own youth worship services. Such youth ministry does provide community, but teens also know how two-faced teens are because they are. Teens need community larger than their peer group. You and your volunteer leaders (if you have any!) are not enough. The good news is there is a ready made community in the church family.

I've heard other ministers describe youth ministries as "orphaning structures" because youth graduate from youth programs without being connected to the church family. Why do teens disappear after graduation? It is not because the church has a weak college and career program. It is because the now young adult's only connection to the church, the youth ministry, has been outgrown and that connection was never really connected to the church--other than through the church budget.

After involving parents in your youth ministry, involve as many other members of your congregation as you can. They don't have to be at the weekly youth meetings. It may be just once a year or even once overall. I literally spend most of my time in preparations to set a long list of adults up to interact with the teens at my church. When they do volunteer I make sure they are not abandoned. And for all of those who have never volunteered, I have set them up to effectively interact with the teens and I doubt they even know it.

This gives us an ironic job description. The youth worker really spends a great deal of time working with adults when his/her job title is the youth. From experience I can tell you that this does work well.

Don't Feel Guilty About Spending Time in Your Office. Some churches do require office time, some don't. I have heard too many conversations about how youth ministry cannot happen in your office. That would be the kind of youth ministry which is built around me, a Brenda ministry. If you are spending significant amounts of your time with teens off-site of the church, the youth ministry may be too centered on you. Your role as the youth minister is to raise the youth in the church family. That takes office time as you do your creative thing to get adults involved in teens' lives.

Youth services are designed as outreach opportunities for the unchurched. I stole this title from another youth ministry article like this was some new youth ministry idea that needed to be mentioned in an article. Isn't this why we do youth ministry?

Teens are more open to God and church than at any other time in their lives. However, too many of the unchurched youth are completely lost by our customs and codes. You know those customs and codes like how we worship, hand motions to certain songs, etc. The unchurched have no idea why we do those things nor are they comfortable sitting through those things. Your worship band may be powerful but to be a visitor and sit through 30 minutes of singing to lyrics you don't know, music that is too loud (a frequent mistake in youth worship bands), and body movements that are supernatural or just weird is very uncomfortable. Often visitors are invited to hear a guest speaker or the cool youth worker or to talk about a certain topic in a small group. They weren't warned about the weird singing which is usually the first thing up at a youth service.

Thom Schulz, founder and president of Group wisely observed, "In the early days, I think people in youth ministry felt they should simply mimic what they'd seen happen in the adult world. So if adults have a preacher stand up behind a podium and preach at people, well, you do the same thing with kids--only you have somebody who doesn't dress quite as nicely as the preacher and who uses a little more contemporary language. Well, that's not really effective youth ministry." (Group, September 10, 2004) This is something to think about.

Youth services should include times of worship. Youth services should include times for games. Honestly, both do work for individual groups. Both are uncomfortable for some individual groups. If one style is working for you, great. Because you are a games-oriented youth group does not mean you are a lesser youth group to a worship-oriented youth group. Both have pluses and minuses but in the end are effective for that individual group. The bottom-line is that how a youth group works varies widely from church to church and one set up is not better than any other set up.

However if you are a games-oriented youth group, be careful that you do not become competition to the Boys & Girls Club across town. You are a church first so don't forget to offer what the community expects the church to offer--Bible teaching.

If you are a worship-oriented youth group, be careful of everything mentioned above. When I last got my hair cut, my stylist was telling me how she was looking for a church. She went to one for a while which had an hour (her opinion) of singing. She started going to church purposely late because she didn't get the purpose for all that singing when the purpose of going to church is to be taught from the Bible. She eventually tried out other churches and found one that didn't have "all that singing." As a seeker (and a confused one at that) she wants a church that teaches the Bible and is friendly. Hmmm...

At my church we do not do worship/singing or games and that works too.

Youth strive for challenge, so challenge. The increased popularity of extreme sports is one proof of this true desire for a challenge. Extreme sports is all about the challenge. Another proof is the increase enrollment in AP and IB education programs. Some youth want more challenging curriculum so they feel challenged in their education. There education means more than seat warming for something that is easy for them. They will take a C in an AP or IB class over an easy A in a regular class.

Be sure in your youth ministry to set the challenge of what a life of faith is. If the crowds don't follow, oh well. You will be growing true disciples and teaching new converts the true way of faith. The challenge will be respected no matter what their personal decisions are. And remember, youth ministry is part of a lifelong journey. The challenge you set will go with them throughout their lives even if they don't decide to follow those few short years you have with them.