Church Youth Ministry: To See a Juvenile Delinquent Make It Along the Way

If you have been a subscriber for some time you may remember that I work with juvenile delinquents or as I have affectionately named them, God’s Family.  I have been quiet about them lately because very frankly, my heart is crushed by some of them.  I don’t know how much more I can take but I also know I can’t let go.  I have thought about it but I can’t.  Someday there has got to be that final breakthrough.  Someday.  Meanwhile, I’ve often given up asking for others to pray for them because aren’t those wonderful intercessors tired of praying for the same things, the same problems, the same but always new criminal charges they receive?  I am tired of praying for them.

Juvenile delinquents is not the name I gave them back in 1992 but they have grown into that title.  They came to know Christ in early adolescence before there were any charges brought against them, before the “street” robbed them.  They have grown in their faith.  And they have been arrested again and again–and guilty with those arrests.  There are other issues too.  Where would they be without Christ?  Two have told me recently that they are sure they would be dead but that doesn’t really make me feel much better.  I’d feel much better if they were living a blessed Christian life which offered proof of their love of God because they do love God.

As a result, I have become way too familiar with Virginia’s prison system.  The jail/prison terms have always been good for a refocusing/recommitment time.  I have come to view our judicial system as one of God’s hands in His correction.  And honestly, I am often relieved when they are locked up.  They are in less danger for their lives (I have lost two to death) and they are more receptive to God’s voice.  A voice which they hear very clearly, nearly audibly, but have a hard time living out.

Yet I stick with them.

I have found a great little book put out by Straight Ahead Ministries (www.straightahead.org) that has encouraged me in these struggling times.  If you work with juvenile delinquents or have that one or two in your youth group you have loved and poured yourself into but fear for their lives, hopefully this will help you too.  The book is called Doing Time with God and it is daily readings written by youth who are locked up.  This book gives some insight into a juvenile delinquent’s thought process.  The following are excerpts from Doing Time with God to help you understand a thought process.  A thought process which may be foreign to us or may be so deep in your past that you have forgotten.  The bottom line is this is to help you so you can be along the way with them.

“Ryan and I met at church of all places.  Neither of us seemed to fit.  We were the bad boys of the place.  If someone said not to do something, we did it.  There was always some trouble to get into.  Before long we stopped going and just started hanging out.  Ryan’s parents didn’t like that very much; they always thought I was a bad influence.  I could never figure out why.  They tried to keep us from doing stuff together, but that didn’t last long.  We were like brothers.  It was always easy to strike up a conversation with Ryan.  I didn’t have to pretend around him; he accepted me for who I was.  It was like he knew my thoughts I knew his.  I guess it wasn’t a surprise that we started doing drugs together.”

You’ve had these boys in your youth group too, right?  They bond together, have a tendency towards evil and spur each other on.  You have tried and tried to help them fit into youth group but they keep themselves on the outside.  That is what you need to know.  They want to be on the outside.  They want to do sin.  You can bend youth group to any contortion you can to include these two but they would still put themselves on the outside.  Church youth group may not be an option to help them despite all of your true efforts.

“I believe in God and even went to church on the outside.  I used to think that I could go to church and still do drugs.  I guess I was lying to myself.  The drugs took over everything.  I really want to get back to God.  I know that He never abandoned me even at my worst.  I want help from my Christian friends.  The only problem is that in my heart I want the drugs more than I want God’s help.  I know it.  At least I haven’t lost my honesty completely.   …The decision is not the cure but it’s what makes change possible.  I guess I need to do these things.  Then God can really help me.  It’s not an easy way out but at least I’m seeing there is a way out.  I just hope that I don’t waste more of my life before I make that choice.”

They say the right words but they don’t walk out those words so more of their life is wasted and you are left frustrated and hurt.  What do you do?  You know they have the knowledge.  So you must continue to pray, plant more seeds, water those seeds and God will bring about the harvest–eventually.  They have to make the decision.  God brings in the harvest.  Your words and actions do help but the actual changing is out of your hands.  You probably know that deep down but when there is hurt involved, we need to be reminded of this.  Also know that the youth is fully aware of this struggle within him/her.

“I never expected to be back in here again.  Things were going so good this time.  I had a job in construction, was in love, and had a baby on the way.  My life had really taken off since getting out last time.  It took just one bad choice–a drink, a fast corner with my car and the police were all over me.  Now I’m back in lockup with no job and no license.  I’m out of touch with my girlfriend who has no way of taking care of herself or to pay the bills.  Why does the worst of luck always follow me, even when I’m starting to do good?  I talked about it with the chaplain here and I guess I still have a few things to rethink.  Even though I was working on my choices, I wasn’t really putting God at the top of my choices.  I guess there’s no side-stepping if I’m really going to make it.  It’s not about luck.”

It was this one bad choice that led to incarceration again but you know there were many other bad choices which were made before this choice.  Frustrating for us as we so clearly see all the wrong choices and how they add up to rob their hope of a future.  The many choices did not have to lead to incarceration or other sad and lasting situations.  You have taught and lived and taught this over and over again to these very youth.  We need to stick to this oft- repeated message.  Hope comes from God and is the result of godly choices.  Eventually they will hear it along the way.

“I watched as a caterpillar moved lazily back and forth across the window ledge of my room.  He seemed completely unsure about which way to go.  Sometimes I feel just like that caterpillar.  I don’t always know which way to go.   And even if I do know the right way to go, sometimes I’m short-handed in the will department.  When I have to make big decisions, I choke. It’s like I am going to the arcade but I don’t have enough quarters to play.”

How do you increase one’s will power?   You know it is not something you can shove into that teen you love (even though you want to!).  Your role is planting and watering with lots of prayer.  Sometime along the way it will become clear and lifechanging.  He/she has to make the choice.

“I knew right from wrong, but I chose to rob, steal, drug and do other things that lead you to three places: jail, institutions, or death.  There is only one of those things I haven’t got yet, and I only have God to thank for letting me write this.  The strange thing is that even as I write this I still find my mind wandering towards things that promise me death and insanity.  That is how powerful addiction is.  It is minute by minute sometimes, but Jesus still gives me hope and I want to do what is best for me with the help of the Lord.”      You can’t be there for every minute of their lives.  No one can but the Holy Spirit.  And the Holy Spirit is probably more gentle than you would like.  Pray.  Encourage with those minutes you do have.   Then trust God with all those minutes you don’t have.

“Sometimes I think about the future and I think, ‘What’s out there for me?’  ‘Will the mistakes I’ve made dog me forever?’  When I think about the future, it’s one big blank to me.  I feel like I will never live up to the standard God has for me.  I also feel like I will never be as successful as I want myself to be.  When these feelings come over me I start to think I’m a failure.  I begin to worry that I will never amount to anything.  Then the question comes up: ‘Why did things end up like they have?  I feel like there is nothing I can do to fix the problems I’ve had and I have no way of the situation I’m facing.”

You too probably have been frustrated by that one youth (or more) who you speak words of life into over and over again, who you visually show a different future to, who you think has finally seen it but then doesn’t.  It is a constant battle in their minds and Jesus taught that Satan’s plans are to steal, kill, and destroy.  That is the future they know.  The battle is the Lord’s.  Your role is to let God use you which keeps you on your toes for Holy Spirit promptings as you are along the way.

“Well, here I am, locked up again.  But not for the usual reasons.  I was actually doing really good out there.  I had a job and I was back in school.  For the first time in as long as I can remember, my mom was really proud of me.  Then I started to get scared.  I wasn’t used to making it, and it felt weird.  I also started feeling a lot of pressure to keep succeeding which also made me really nervous.  I started thinking that eventually I would screw up anyway, so maybe I should just do it now before I had even more to lose…that’s why I’m back here.”

This is such foreign thinking to an overachiever but I see it operating time and time again in “my kids.”  The fear for me is that in all of my encouragement and pushing along, do I increase this pressure to succeed which makes them want to screw up earlier than later because they think they are going to fail anyway?  So what do you do?  Stick with the same plan after each failure.  Stick with grace and unconditional love.  And brace your heart so you can do this.

I am still along the way with “my kids.”  At their ages of 22 and 23, I have yet to really see the harvest that is promised.  It is the promises from Scripture that I hang on to and am encouraged by.  The day will come when victory is theirs.

The same for those few, that crew in your youth group.  You are needed to walk along the way with them.  Be encouraged.  Victory will eventually be theirs.  You are needed to be along with way.