Life is an ice rink, and we’re all children trying to learn how to skate. There will be stretches of fast, smooth gliding–and plenty of tripping. Enough bloggers have written about “the key to perfection” and “secrets to success”. It’s time to learn how to fall and how to fail.

First off, we must expect to fail and accept that failure is not a sign of personal weakness. Assuming that a new skater will be able to glissade across smooth ice as soon as her skates have been tied is simply unrealistic. It doesn’t matter how old you are–we’re always being exposed to fresh circumstances. Would you scold a little child for falling on the ice? Of course not! Refuse to treat yourself badly. Say nothing to or about yourself that you wouldn’t say to your dearest loved one.

Next, we learn how to fall. Have you ever taken skating lessons? There are techniques you must learn that will ensure falling safety. Such is true in life. One of the best things I’ve learned to do is come up with a list of ways to cope with sadness and disappointment to avoid resorting to self-hatred. Spend time with yourself. Run a hot bath, light some candles, and listen to some Debussy (an hour of Debussy here). Take a walk and engage your sense of smell. Do anything that relaxes you and lightens your mood. This way, you’ll know what to do when you fail.

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She was the type of girl who cried at the littlest reprimand or stern look. Her whole world was a fragile house of cards supported by false hopes; and harshness, rejection, and malice were never included. Everything was a daydream: sticks were spears, creeks were oceans, sheds were skyscrapers. Her mind was always on things she could never hold in her hands, concepts far beyond her years. All around her mind were metaphors. Cereal pieces floated apart in her bowl of milk, and her heart broke–to her, they were two friends shattering a beautiful bond. How could they be so cruel? she wondered. But she never stopped to answer her own question, because the next fantasy was waiting, and there was no room in her busy mind for sadness.

Four years later, she was ten, feeling the weight of some cruelly, carelessly uttered insults collapsing her fragile, idealized worldview. Suddenly, she understood. Rejection, exclusion, and sadness painfully squeezed their way into her brain. And in that distressing process, more than a few daydreams were pushed away. The years brought bumps and bruises, wounds that refused to turn into callouses. By thirteen, she was lost. Who was she? Where could she find more hopes to build another house of cards? She looked into the mirror one day and decided that she was nobody. All she considered herself to be was an item for someone else. Countless times she offered her heart and her body to anyone who would take it. She wanted to be loved, and to belong somewhere–anywhere. Nobody could satisfy her deep hunger for attention, connection, and attachment. The highs and lows, the fear, and the insecurities commanded her until she fell to her knees and quit. Once again, she found herself on the bathroom floor shaking, her shabbily duct-taped heart bursting from her chest.

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Don’t do your best. I mean it. Let yourself fail to live up to your full potential. Shocked? It’s okay. I would be too. But hear me out. I want you to think about your very best. Not just a good effort–I mean everything you have in yourself, every last scrap of effort and stamina you’ve saved up in your entire existence. Now imagine exerting yourself that much for months–in a school or work setting, primarily. You’d quit like a rickety minivan with no gas. You’d have nothing left in you at all. But you did your best, right? That’s all that matters!

Not. You know what matters more? Your physical, mental, and emotional health. Your well-being is infinitely more important than any job or task you have. I’m not telling you to slack off. I’m warning you not to do your best if you care about your health at all. Do the best that you can without sacrificing yourself. There is no need to push yourself until you give in to exhaustion, because it will take forever to gain back that energy. Doing the best that you possibly can means neglecting yourself and your basic needs. It means ignoring any opportunity to relax and have fun. And that’s not a sacrifice you want to make, trust me.

Don’t do your best. Work hard while keeping self-care and well-being a priority. You are a human being with limits. Don’t let your boss, teacher, or anyone tell you to neglect your needs. Fun and relaxation are requirements to healthy living. And healthy living is what we should strive for.

Okay. I’ve had a problem with this ad since the first time I saw it. Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I’m overreacting. But I feel the need to discuss it anyway, because something just sounded off about it.

“When I have a huge zit on my face, everyone’s talking to that part of my face.”

Okay. In the first five seconds of the ad, we’re hearing insecurity. I get it, nobody likes acne. But honestly? Do people really stare at your zit when they’re talking to you? Of course not. Now, I would understand that it could feel that way, but it’s not. It makes me sad that a product is being sold to me on basis of insecurity. Why the insecurity? Why?

“I don’t want people to remember me as the girl with the zit, I want them to remember me as me.” Continue reading →