Apologies upfront. I have no idea which book I copied this excerpt from. I know I’ve had it for several years as something I read in a quiet time from time-to-time. It is such an upside-down Wild Frontier thought that is eye-opening.

“One day, sometime later and after going into counseling myself, I realized my depression and my feelings of emptiness were gone. I actually felt good about life and about me. As I examined my feelings, I discovered I was both happy and disappointed. God had changed my life. My life had taken a 180-degree turn. But God had not healed me when I had sought healing. He had no supernaturally ‘zapped’ me. God’s supernatural zapping seemed like Plan A to me. As I talked about this disappointment, people told me the same thing over and over again: ‘But God uses people too.’

“I hated hearing that phrase. I had wanted God to touch my depression instantaneously and heal me. Instead, he used people to help me. I came to call this God’s Plan B. I thought that when God supernaturally intervened and healed, it was Plan A. And this was true spiritual healing. When God used people to heal, it was the ‘inferior,’ although effective, Plan B. I accepted that I was one of those people who got Plan B. So there I was, grateful and somewhat disappointed at my grade B healing. It was good, but felt more like sitting in the bleachers than in the box seats.

“Then, one day I made a discovery in Scripture that changed my way of viewing Plan B: ‘From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.’ (Ephesians 4:16)

“I could not believe it. I read the verse again. Not only was it true that ‘God uses people too,’ but this was not Plan B or second rate at all! In fact, people helping people was Plan A! The Bible said so. Not only that, but it was not just people doing it. It was God himself! God was working directly through people when they were helping me. So Plan B was the original Plan A after all.”

God’s plan is to use people for healings—every kind of healing. God’s plan for us has always been for it to be through the Church and the people who make up the Church. I find such people in my church, specifically that small group I’ve chosen to be vulnerable with. These people walk with me through everything—whether it is emotional, spiritual or even physical as I meet with doctors (who are people) to seek healing. I must be involved in a church so I can receive healing. Continue reading →

According to new research from YPulse, half of you are actually dating. From what you hear is that everyone in the late teens and early 20s only hookup these days. This is not true.

The research found out that 50 percent of 13- to 32-year-olds have been on a formal date. The research also found out that the majority of those in a relationship met their significant other in an old-fashioned way: 32% met at school; 22% through mutual friends/family; 9% met at work. People are meeting each other, finding interest in each other and asking each other out.

Sadly, hooking up is a real thing too. It is happening. But it’s not happening as much as all the pontificators say it is. Also true is that sexting is a thing—34% say they have sexted, and 15% say they have “naughty Snapchatted”. But the research also found that the majority want stability in their romance, with 75 percent saying they want to be in a long-term committed relationship. 75 percent.   Continue reading →

Be Brave

If I hear one more time that “I felt so comfortable on this first date…I didn’t have any anxiety at all…”

Dating coach

Then I’m going to tell you that you just dated the same type of man or woman you’ve always dated. And since you are still dating and still dating the same type of person, this one is not going to work out either.

First date jitters are good. You should be jittery, have butterflies in your stomach, and have sweaty palms for a first date. You are about to meet a new person whom God has created. A new person who has drawn your interest probably because he/she is worth that interest. This is exciting. This is being vulnerable. This requires bravery. You should be jittery.

You should be jittery for several dates worth. Because hopefully you are on this journey of discovering who this new person is—and discovering who you are in the process. This is exciting. This is being vulnerable. This requires bravery. Being jittery should be embraced for as long as you can—because you are being discovered in the process.

If you don’t have first date jitters then you have either dated the same kind of person yet again or you have chosen to live numb. Both are not good.

Be brave with your jitters.

The prayer for June 9 from a fave book, Everyday Prayers:  365 Days to a Gospel-Centered Life:

“Dear Jesus, in the morning, at midday, in the afternoon, and throughout the night, keep on bringing us word f your unfailing love.  That’s all we need; that’s all we really need.  By the Holy Spirit, incessantly gossip the gospel in our inmost ear (love that!).  Wrap the good news of your boundless, endless affections around our hearts tighter and tighter and tighter. Permeate every bit of our being with your fresh mercies, steadfast love, and transforming grace, for we have put our trust in you.

“Jesus, it’s the assurance of our unfailing love that enables us to trust you with the transitions we go through in life and the uncertainties about the future.  Change is never easy.  Change makes us feel vulnerable (a word I use often), fearful, and insecure.  We get tempted, once again, to be our own savior.  Spare us that misery, Jesus; spare us and those we love.  Don’t let us go there, even for a moment.  May your Word dwell in us richly, your peace rule in us powerfully, and our glory be our main passion and delight.

“We’ve entrusted our lives to you, Jesus, because you alone are trustworthy.  We’ve given you our sins, wounds, brokenness, and weakness.  Now, in fresh surrender, we give you our planning for the next season of our lives.  Show us the way we should go through our transitions–transitions of age and stage, career and calling, health and finances, relationships and ministries.  Write stories of redemption beyond our wildest dreams and hopes.  It’s all about you, Jesus–not us, you. Continue reading →

Brave dating is dating to discover who you are. The result of this learning process will then lead you to a good match to give you that love for a lifetime you desire. This takes practice which means doing some practices which means doing some dating. Because vulnerability is involved, you must approach this process with bravery.

To discover who you are so you can find a good match you may need to date. Maybe a lot. Because you may need to date a lot should not mean you have a bad reputation.

Why do those with small-minds think that if someone dates a lot that this person is “bad?” Yes, I name-called there. It is also a truthful description.

I’ve heard the comments. “She’s just a tease.” “She doesn’t take anyone seriously.” “He’s led her on.”

These comments get made because there is an element of truth to them. There are people like this. But—and I will declare this as loud as I can—those who are trying the brave dating practices are not those people. They are being vulnerable by giving honorable people a shot. They are not just sticking with “their type” but are wondering if that honorable person who is not immediately their type could be a good match.

I’ve overheard these comments (because no one would make them in my presence because I would respond). “You asked her out…good…when is the wedding?” One date leads to a wedding? Is that healthy? If that one date didn’t really work out (or the next five), it simply didn’t work out. It’s that simple. No one led someone on. Two people took a risk. Two people made themselves vulnerable. And it didn’t work out. Better to try and take that chance, I say. Others say that someone has a bad reputation. Stop it.

One date or a couple of dates does not make a match. One has to have these couple of dates to know that it is not a match. Isn’t there more harm by staying with someone because you have had a couple of dates because you need to stay with this one because there have been a couple of dates? Isn’t it the braver person to realize that a match is not a match after a couple of dates by ending that part of the relationship at that time?

But instead we get cheap malicious comments. And couples who shouldn’t really be together but are now too emotionally-involved to get out of the relationship in good health.  (There is a future blog post in this.)   Continue reading →

Those dreamy words of “I do” are made up of two words. Duh. I’m sure there is a good blog in there about the word “do” when it comes to marriage. But there also is about the word “I”. To say “I do” you have to know who I is. Duh.

Yet too many people miss this duh thought. Too many have contorted themselves to find out if they are loveable. They have no idea who they are as they say “I do.”

I have an idea. Take yourself out on a date. You. Just you.

Find a beautiful, romantic quiet restaurant. Order fancy. Enjoy the ambience. In that ambience, answer these questions. Journal your answers. You may need to order dessert also to get through all of these. Go ahead and do it. You may also need to get coffee someplace. Go ahead and do that also. Try to do this all in one long reflective night.

Honestly ask yourself these questions:

1. How are my relationships with my family members?Do any of those relationships need healing, forgiveness, or confrontation?
2. What are the positive values and traits I have learned from my family of origin? What are the negative ones?
3. What in my past has shaped me in a harmful way?
4. What are some words that describe me?
5. How do I feel about my body?
6. What habits in my life are harmful or unhealthy?
7. How do I approach my interactions with others?
8. What situations make me feel the most defensive? Angry? Stressed?
9. What things do I think about the most? What things do I talk about the most?
10. Am I more of a listener or a talker? Do I need to work on either area?
11. What are some things I hope to accomplish? Am I on the right track? If not, what is holding me back?
12. What is on my bucket list?
13. How would I describe my spiritual life and personal relationship with God?
14. How have I grown spiritually over the past year? What has kept me from growing?
15. In what ways do I communicate with God?
16. What spiritual disciplines do I need to improve on?
17. In what areas of my life do I need God’s forgiveness?
18. In what areas of my life do I need to forgive yourself?

Continue reading →