Very recently I was in pain. I was watching my son spin out of control yet again. Yet again I had that wish for him to get arrested so that I would know he would live. This is a fear I have felt all too often but it is a fear that has been absent for two years. Having that fear come back—feeling that fear again—spiraled me downward.
This is living vulnerable. And there are times it hurts. Hurts a lot.
This is where bravery comes in. I have chosen him to be my son and that does not change no matter what level of pain or joy there is. He is loveable. He is so worthy of this love. (I wish you all could know him. You would see it too.)
Note: He has brought me such incredible joy. I would never be able to feel that joy if I wasn’t able to feel this pain. If I numb the pain, I will also numb that joy.
This is living vulnerable. I feel. There are times I have to keep trying to love life even when it hurts my feelings.
While spiraling downward, I called out for prayer and action. I could see this all in my mind’s eye. I saw myself spiraling downward. I made a declaration to my husband that I was not going to crawl into bed and lose two weeks of my life again. I saw myself reach out to my church family and cling to them with hands clasped asking for prayer and action. Then I chose to continue on with my days. There were times I froze in place lost in despair. Then I would continue on again.
He’s stable now. He has a big hole to climb out of but he’s in a place where he can. With people who will walk with him through everything. Everything. Thank you to the many who have decided to continue to love life even when it hurts our feelings. Moms can’t always be the answer. But God’s people are. To the many who chose to chase him, you chose bravery to love him. Of course, it wasn’t a hard decision to love him. He is so loveable. Thank you for choosing bravery.
This mom would not be possible without surrounding herself with brave people.
The best choice is to keep trying to love life even when it hurts our feelings. Because then the best life has to offer happens. And I get to feel it.