Salem and Sinatra

Crazy ScottyIt is a little-known fact that when Arthur Miller wrote the 1996 screenplay for his play The Crucible, a fictionalized account of the Salem witch trials, he wrote an all-new scene which allowed for a brief cameo of one of his favorite performers. Thankfully, for film buffs everywhere, 20th Century Fox has just released the original shooting script for the 1996 film, and has allowed my humble little blog to bear its debut to the world. Prepare your eyes.crucible

ACT II, Scene 2.
The vestry room of the Meeting House where an examination is going on as curtain rises.

Now, Mr. Parris. You have stated to the court that you have found a man who you feel shall be able to shed further light on these happenings in Salem?

I do. I call Frank Sinatra to the stand!

(surprised murmurs from the court as FRANK SINATRA adjusts his hat and approaches his seat before court)

Mr. Sinatra, what, in your opinion, is the cause of the strange happenings which have plagued Salem these past weeks?

Ah, yes. Well.

(cue the opening riffs of Sinatra’s song “Witchcraft” as SINATRA stands and begins to snap his fingers rhythmically before bursting into the song’s melodious chorus)

(cont., singing)
It’s witchraaaaaft! Wicked witchcraaaaft! And although, I know, it’s strictly TABOOOOOOO…..!

Stop! Stop! I beg this noise cease!

(Record scratch, music stops)

Peace, Mr. Hathorne! Let the man complete his testimony!

Actually, that’s all I have to say, fellas.

Uh, thank you, Mr. Sinatra. Mr. Hale, have you any questions for the witness?

I…no, I don’t think so. (beat) Wait. There is one thing.

Pray, speak, Hale.

‘Tis a question for you, Mr. Parris, regarding your witness.


How did you manage to summon a singer to this honorable court…several centuries prior to his even being born?

(suspicious murmurs from the crowd)

(nervous, sweating)

(quickly stands)
Well, that’s my cue! See you in a few cents, gents!

(SINATRA makes his hasty exit through a dark, mystical-looking stone portal, which up until now has remained hidden behind the courtroom curtains. The crowds coughs and gasps for breath as a thick cloud smelling of sulfur fills the room.)

Wait, what?!

There has since been speculation that Miller was slowly losing his mind at this late stage of his writing career. Regardless, no one had the heart to cut the scene until after it had been filmed. All footage has since been lost.


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About Cellophane Glasses

His name is Scotty Meiser. His life is hard to categorize, so here are some bullet-points: He is a pastor’s son. He has been a Christian camp counselor for five years. He was born long and thin, and has more or less stayed that way. He sings songs. He acts. He has edited Wikipedia. He and his friend wrote a mariachi song about Canada. As a child, he ate so many carrots his skin turned orange. He hates Seventeen Magazine. He’s a junior at Cairn University in Langhorne, PA. He has no idea where his life is headed It is from this view, Scotty shares his world.

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