The I in “I Do”

bebraveThose dreamy words of “I do” are made up of two words. Duh. I’m sure there is a good blog in there about the word “do” when it comes to marriage. But there also is about the word “I”. To say “I do” you have to know who I is. Duh.

Yet too many people miss this duh thought. Too dating coachmany have contorted themselves to find out if they are loveable. They have no idea who they are as they say “I do.”

I have an idea. Take yourself out on a date. You. Just you.

Find a beautiful, romantic quiet restaurant. Order fancy. Enjoy the ambience. In that ambience, answer these questions. Journal your answers. You may need to order dessert also to get through all of these. Go ahead and do it. You may also need to get coffee someplace. Go ahead and do that also. Try to do this all in one long reflective night.

Honestly ask yourself these questions:

  1. How are my relationships with my family members?Do any of those relationships need healing, forgiveness, or confrontation?
  2. What are the positive values and traits I have learned from my family of origin? What are the negative ones?
  3. What in my past has shaped me in a harmful way?
  4. What are some words that describe me?
  5. How do I feel about my body?
  6. What habits in my life are harmful or unhealthy?
  7. How do I approach my interactions with others?
  8. What situations make me feel the most defensive? Angry? Stressed?
  9. What things do I think about the most? What things do I talk about the most?
  10. Am I more of a listener or a talker? Do I need to work on either area?
  11. What are some things I hope to accomplish? Am I on the right track? If not, what is holding me back?
  12. What is on my bucket list?
  13. How would I describe my spiritual life and personal relationship with God?
  14. How have I grown spiritually over the past year? What has kept me from growing?
  15. In what ways do I communicate with God?
  16. What spiritual disciplines do I need to improve on?
  17. In what areas of my life do I need God’s forgiveness?
  18. In what areas of my life do I need to forgive yourself?

(This list is taken from True Love Dates by Debra Fileta, pp. 167-168.)

Whew! That’s a lot, right? The goal of all this is not to fix yourself. That will happen as you and God walk together. You have a lifetime to do that. God is okay with an estimated 80 years to go through this process. Thankfully God gives us the grace of a lifetime to do this! The goal is to know who you are so you know who you are putting out there to date.

At the end of the evening, say “hi” to this person. And give this person a big hug. This person is brave. This person is worthy. This person knows who he/she is—flaws and all—and is ready to date.

Be brave.

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About Be Brave

Brenda Seefeldt began life in youth ministry in 1981. That is before the internet, YouTube, texting and even before PowerPoint. (But it was after flannel boards.) Brenda has written and shared much of what she has learned through the resource of Wild Frontier and in many youth ministry publications as she continues on in youth ministry. Brenda is a brave one. She stutters yet is a national speaker. She loves teaching so much she’s also been a substitute teacher for over 20 years. She’s brave enough to enter any classroom at a middle school. She also simply loves teaching groups, whether they are teens or adults. Due to the many years of youth ministry, Brenda has “coached” many grown teens in dating. She finds herself very opinionated on that with lots to share. Brenda loves her God-given family–four sons and 4 grandchildren. They are God-given, not birthed. That alone is a brave story, one she tells here and there as the story really belongs to her sons.

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