Some churches do require office time, some don’t. I have heard too many conversations about how youth ministry cannot happen in your office. That would be the kind of youth ministry which is built around me, a Brenda ministry. If you are spending significant amounts of your time with teens off-site of the church, the youth ministry may be too centered on you. Your role as the youth minister is to raise the youth in the church family. That takes office time as you do your creative thing to get adults involved in teens’ lives.

Honestly, Brenda hasn’t believed this point during her entire youth ministry career. At one time she believed the myth that adolescents pull away from adults, especially their parents, as they strive for independence during adolescent development. Teens do pull away in one way or another, but they never want adults out of their lives, especially their parents.

I could re-list the numerous studies here of how important teens believe their parents are but I won’t here. We did over here . Just know that parents really are number one and your youth ministry needs to reflect that if you truly want to help teens. We believe this fact so much that we created an entire website of practical resources over at Church FamilyBasedYouthMinsitry.org or cfbym.org.

As Steven McFarland, former executive director of the Christian Legal Society’s Center for Law and Religious Freedom said, “I’ve had a lot of calls about how to get by the schoolhouse gate in order to share their faith, or get kids to come to a Friday night concert, or have an assembly where we sneak the gospel in at the end. But in nine years I have never had a single call from a pastor, a youth minister or a parachurch ministry asking me what the First Amendment will allow them to do to help their local public school.” (Joseph Loonte, “Bullet Proofing Our Schools…With Faith,” Citizen, April 2000). Ponder that one in your prayer time for a while.

Two ideas you can borrow: Your church is a public facility with walls, roof, bathroom and seating capacity. Just like you can use your building for community events, the community can use your building. One specific use that many schools, particularly middle schools, could benefit from your church building is your “auditorium” and sound system. Your sound system is better than most schools have. And with budget cuts affecting such clubs as drama, you could offer your building for practices and performances.

Here is another idea. Teachers are underpaid and are in the constant crosshairs between the parents and the administration. This is the teacher’s number one complaint about their chosen profession. Do something extravagant and creative for no reason at all for them. If you did this only once a year, your church will be reflected upon fondly for the rest of the school year and the next school year. I know. I am at my school quite a bit and hear the teachers talk.

If you have time in your schedule to visit the schools of your teens, do it. But don’t just do it by visiting at lunch. While the youth you are visiting at lunch go crazy with appreciation for your visit, you have just used the school’s generosity to further push your agenda and not help the school. We love teenagers and want as many to be saved as possible. You have righteous and pure motives. But that is not the agenda of the school. Their agenda is to educate students and they need all the help possible to help achieve that. We see the “tribe” gathered in one location which gives us easier opportunities. The school sees the “tribe” gathered as their responsibility and they are already fighting losing battles with attitudes, violence, and apathy. Just to name a few. Some schools want help from the church, but it is not in the form of a Bible club or your lunchtime visit. Further in the reality of these times of higher security, your visit during the most unsecure time of the school day may actually not be a blessing to the school. Ask any teacher or security person, lunch is the most nerve-wracking time.

Take that time and actually help the school. In doing so you will be helping the school with their agenda and your youth will still go crazy with appreciation for seeing you in their territory.

You are not big buddies.  There are too many stories like this one about a family who is no longer a part of their church who is still angry at a former youth pastor who let the daughter ride on the hood of his car around the church parking lot.

You have been entrusted by the parents with the welfare of minors. That means you have to be concerned with safety and safety means rules. Rules need to be enforced by the authority and that is you. You are an authority figure.

Don’t worry. As an authority figure your youth will still like you because in safety and authority there is comfort and security. In comfort and security anyone can learn and that is what you want to see happen which is why you work with youth. Even if you are 18 years old and in charge (the age when Brenda started) you need to separate yourself as an authority figure.