Wikipedia defines the generation gap as “the differences between people of a younger generation and their elders, especially between a child and their parent’s generation.  Although some generational differences have existed throughout history, because of more rapid cultural change during the modern era differences between the two generations increased in comparison to previous times, particularly with respect to such matters as musical tastes, fashion, culture and politics.  …This was coined during the 1960s as the generation gap became so prominent most likely due to the unprecedented size of the young generation during the 1960s which gave it unprecedented power and willingness to rebel against societal norms.”

The world did turn upside down over those years.  Our culture today is reaping the fruit of those years.  So if the generation gap is now being declared as “gone”, is the world turning upside down again?  The right side up again?  Can this really be happening?

Nancy Gibbs of Time wrote about it this way:  “Come back with me 40 years to the rabid spring of 1970. President Nixon announced the invasion of Cambodia, and campuses exploded. Kids who had never picked up a rock in their lives were occupying the classrooms they used to study in. When National Guardsmen shot four unarmed students at Kent State, virtually the entire system of higher education shuddered and stopped. The fabric of the country seemed to be tearing; everything about the older generation was contaminated, corrupt. Asked in a Gallup poll if there was a generation gap, 74 percent of the young people of that era said yes.

“And now? Today’s kids aren’t taking up arms against their parents; they’re too busy texting them. The members of the millennial generation, ages 18 to 29, are so close to their parents that college students typically check in about 10 times a week, and they are all Facebook friends. Kids and parents dress alike, listen to the same music and fight less than previous generations, and Millennials assert that older people’s moral values are generally superior to their own.”

To further make this point, an unpredicted observation was discovered after a middle school took up challenge to live without text messaging for 2 days.  To quote: “The experiment left Kayla Waterman, a 12-year old sixth grader, with a new appreciation for the convenience of texting over calling.  On Monday morning, instead of texting, she called her mom to let her know there were ‘a gazillion fire trucks at school.’  Then she called right back: false alarm–fire drill.  ‘I could tell she was getting annoyed because I kept calling,’ Kayla said.  How many times during the school day does she usually text her mom?  About 10, Kayla said; a friend nodded in agreement.  Boundaries between work and home have long since fallen, so maybe it should not be surprising that the same is true for school and home.  But what middle school student 20 years ago would have voluntarily reached out to her mother 10 times between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m.?”  (New York Times, April 27, 2010)

True, huh?

A 1969 Gallup Survey did find that 74 percent of the public believed there was a “generation gap” in American society.  In 2009 a Pew Research Center survey found that 79 percent say there is a generation gap.  But this gap is different.  This gap is not over morals and social issues.  This one is over technology.  And very few people see this as a source of conflict.   Ah, so we can still say there is a generation gap but that phrase does not have the negative connotation of yesteryears.   Generations are not gapping any more over morals and social issues.

Do you see it?

Beatlemania was the possession of the Baby Boomers.  Not so for Bierbermania.  As Billboard has noted in quoting a tween girl, “He (Justin Beiber) causes riots everywhere he goes, and my Mom loves him almost as much as I do.”  (Billboard.com, March 19, 2010)

Neil Howe, the historian and demographer who was first to coin Generation X and named every generation since then, has this to say about the now myth of the generation gap:   “A lot of Boomers just think that’s the way it is. They think, ‘We live in a declining civilization. We live in a time of rising youth decadence. That’s just the trend.’ Everything they hear on TV and everything they hear on the radio magnifies that or rather, magnifies that impression. One of the things I often bring up to people, and I cite data that shows this very clearly, is that Millennials as a generation are pushing all of these indicators in the opposite direction. We’ve seen a tremendous decline (65-70%) in serious violent crime among teenagers over the past 15 years, a decline in teen pregnancy, decline in teen abortion, decline in the use of alcohol and cigarettes. Also, we’ve seen a rise in many indicators of educational achievement. And I find that when I lay these out, and when I talk about them in the context of the new generation and why this is happening, they’re genuinely surprised. This is how you demolish myths.’”  (Neil Howe, Ypulse.com, March 18, 2010)

Are you beginning to believe that the generation gap is a myth of another generation?  This is all the more reason to do away with that old school way of thinking that teens don’t want their parents involved with the youth ministry.  That reason is simply not there anymore.

The greatly respected Dr. Christian Smith had this to say about parents and teens in his newer book, Souls in Transition: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of Emerging Adults: “Most adolescents in fact still very badly want the loving input and engagement of their parents—more, in fact, than most parents ever realize.

You can help parents to realize this.  You can help demolish the myth of a negative generation gap to the parents and the rest of the adults in your church family.

Be sure in your youth ministry to set the challenge of what a life of faith is which is a challenge. You will be growing true disciples and teaching new converts the true way of faith. The challenge will be respected no matter what their personal decisions are. And remember, youth ministry is part of a lifelong journey. The challenge you set will go with them throughout their lives even if they don’t decide to follow those few short years you have with them.

More WF Lifestyle thinking…

The Justice Generation

“The opportunity is ripe for church leaders to guide this generation beyond fits of emotion-driven passion and the inevitable disillusionment that comes as the hard obstacles to bringing justice are encountered.”

Before it was cool to be green, we at Wild Frontier have been encouraging youth workers to at least put a Creation Care stat on their websites or newsletters to help connect faith to this important issue with teens.

In one hour, 9.3 million plastic beverage bottles will be trashed.  Most will not end up in the recycling bin.  (CosmoGirl, December/January 2009)

More Creation Care thinking…

A Building That Cleans the Air

Before it was cool to be green, we at Wild Frontier have been encouraging youth workers to at least put a Creation Care stat on their websites or newsletters to help connect faith to this important issue with teens.

From a survey of 1,003 adults, 78 percent of self-identified Christians say they would like to see their fellow Christians take a more active role in caring for God’s creation in a way that is both informed and biblical.  Among evangelicals, 90 percent would like Christians to take a more active role.  (The Barna Group, September 22, 2008)

More Creation Care thinking…

LifeBox–Turning Cardboard into Trees

Before it was cool to be green, we at Wild Frontier have been encouraging youth workers to at least put a Creation Care stat on their websites or newsletters to help connect faith to this important issue with teens.

Plastic makes up nearly 12 percent of our trash.  This is up from 1 percent in 1960.  The best way to reduce your plastic impact is to simply use less and that comes with thinking as you buy.  (Time, July 21, 2008)

For more Creation Care thinking…

Earth Day:  Why We Should Care

Before it was cool to be green, we at Wild Frontier have been encouraging youth workers to at least put a Creation Care stat on their websites or newsletters to help connect faith to this important issue with teens.

From a survey of 1,003 adults, 48 percent believe the earth has undergone climate change before and current warming is not primarily caused by human activity.  (The Barna Group, September 22, 2008)

For more Creation Care Thinking…

Boxed Water is Better

In 2009 Randy Stonehill recorded an album with friend Phil Keaggy called “Mystery Highway.”  That album contains a song entitled “Irresistible Future” which has the same theme as “The Wild Frontier.”  We think this is not a coincidence that Randy would honor our 20th anniversary with a modern-day twist on what the Wild Frontier is.

Parents certainly don’t feel like they are the #1 influence in their teen’s life. Even if you show them all of the studies that support this true fact, parents live with the “teenage monster” in their home.  Think about it.  Who is telling them that they are the #1 influence?  Certainly no one in pop culture, unless they catch those anti-drug commercials and believe them.  They don’t see it in their teen’s actions.  This is a role you need to fill for parents.  They need you to be their cheerleaders.

Parents also feel like they are racing against time.  Suddenly their babies are within years of leaving the home, heading off to college, getting married, etc.  Just as the darling cherubs turn into teenage monsters, they are also realizing that there are only a few short years left while they are still under their influence.  Of course, parents will always have influence but for this short season they have legal covering and influence in a way that completely changes when their child turns 18.  To maximize these last influential years is a role the youth ministry can certainly fill.

Parents are also literally racing with time.  There are so many things, mostly good, that absorb all of a teen’s time.  School stuff, athletic stuff, music stuff, leadership stuff, social stuff,  and hopefully spiritual stuff.  The home too often becomes a drop-off service and a place for the teen to sleep. Family meals are too often in the family car.  Here you have a role such as providing tools such as “Taxi Drive Time” in Moms & Pops Stuff to maximize those times.  Another role is for the youth ministry to provide something in that schedule that makes room for the teen and parents to communicate, disciple and challenge each other.

Steve Wright in his useful book, ReThink, came up with these further excuses as to why parents are intimidated to be the passers on of their faith to their teens:

• I can’t disciple, because I’ve never been discipled myself.
• We pay the youth pastor to do that.
• I’m just not a teacher.
• I don’t know the Bible and can’t answer their questions.
• My kids won’t listen to me.
• It’s too late; I would start this if I’d known about it before my kid became a teenager
• We’re not cool enough to relate to our kids; the youth pastor does that better
• I’m too busy providing for my kids’ needs; I bring them to church to take care of their spiritual needs
• I’m not qualified; I’ve never been to seminary

Blah, blah, excuse, blah, blah, excuse, blah, blah.  But these excuses still are too true to too many parents.  The youth ministry must help overcome these excuses.  Whether the excuses are valid or simply excuses the truth is teens take their spiritual cues from their parents first.  That is fact.

So parents feel intimidated to pass on their faith to their teens.  You want to grow the spiritual life of your teens.  This then surmises that one of the best roles you can serve as youth leader is for you to encourage your parents to step out beyond their fears and have these discussions.

P.S.  A truth that parents will often need to be reminded of:  When a crisis comes up, teens always want their parents first.  Texting and cellphones are only increasing this tether parents and teens will always have.

P.S.S.  For the teens that come from non-Christian homes, they are taking spiritual cues from the parents of their Christian friends who invite them to youth group.

We’ve been doing our form of CFBYM for nine years now.  What has happened (but didn’t expect to have happened) is the parents of upcoming 6^th graders and younger cannot wait to enter the youth ministry.  The tween can’t wait to get older and enter the youth ministry.  That is a common experience.  But since we require the parents to also enter the youth ministry at that age, they are actually looking forward to the teenage years with their child.  I’m not exaggerating.  This is because they know they get to be a part of the youth ministry which assays their fears of being a parent of a teenager.  They know and they have seen how parents of teens are supported by the church family.  How often does inviting the new 6^th graders to the youth ministry become a rite of passage also for the parents?!  We have stumbled into this wonderful truth.

You can also provide this rite of passage for parents and bless them at a time when they need to be supported the most.  But how do you do that?

• First you need to lose your intimidation of parents.  While they think you know more about teens than they do, you know they know more about teens, their teens specifically, than you.  So intimidation abounds in every direction.  Now that this is acknowledged, move on.

• Whenever you are in the vicinity of parents, extend warm and genuine friendship to parents every time.  And honor parents in every public and private conversation you have with students and everyone in the church family.  Sit with them at the school events you attend.  Meet with the parents over a meal.  Not the teen in the parent’s presence but with the parents.  Before you meet, Google where he/she works and learn more about that business and the job.  Lead the conversation with some good questions about their world.  Keep the conversation purposely away from your agenda for the teen.  And at some point directly ask each parent what his/her dream is for his/her child.

• One practice of incorporating parents more into the youth ministry is to invite them to be a part of your volunteer staff.  Some parents make great volunteer staff and you will be blessed to have them and all of their spiritual and parental insight to mix with the teens.  But this role does not fit all parents.  It is more important to the parents that you release them to be the spiritual influencers of their teens first, then possibly become part of the volunteer staff.  Singly dealing with parents like they are volunteer staff or an extension of volunteer staff is not meeting the needs of parents and is also using them to further your agenda.  That is so typical of a Brenda-Centered Youth Ministry.

• Partner with other church leaders to join you in purposely encouraging parents in their role of passing on their faith.  This is open to so many ideas.

• Join parents in genuine prayer for their teen.  This can be done together, corporately, or in your own prayer closets.  Just do it.

• Encourage parents in every which way that the best way they can help you is to be active in personal ministry at home.  To help them have family chapels or spiritual discussions, over-resource them.  Further build up their confidence by giving them so many tools and resources that they will feel confident in their attempts to find one form that will eventually fit into their family dynamic.

I do not believe these practices are inclusive.  Are there practices you’ve made with parents that you would like to share here to complete this list?  Submit these to Amanda@wildfrontier.org.  We are actively seeking 150-word submissions for our new interactive digital magazine, YM Shorts.  What you have tried is exactly what we are looking for so please submit so others can find success as they become cheerleaders to the parents of the teens.