Wrestling for My Inheritance on This Earth

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Originally published July 1999.

If God owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50:10), why is He such a tightwad? If I had the financial resources, my ministry could do so much more. My life could do so much more. I could do so much more with my time. Every person who desires to see God's will be done on this earth could do so much more. They wouldn't have to be sidetracked to raise funds for this new project. Missionaries could stay on the field because they wouldn't have to come home to itinerate. What more could be done for the kingdom if we weren't limited by financial resources? God possesses it all and dispenses it sparingly.

I asked a friend of mine this same question. His answer was that we do not have the right formula. I didn't like that answer at all. Does that mean if I prayed on my knees, bowed three times, said "Jehovah-Jireh" eight times (or some other formula) that the finances would come pouring down? I don't think so. I believe the prosperity teachings of not to long ago taught us that. Many Christians have left the church because the formula they were taught didn't work.

 I may not ever have an answer for this. It may be such that God has a greater plan and holding back finances is a way of teaching me. One lesson that I have learned is to be content in any and every situation. And the price of that lesson is worth the cattle on a thousand hills.

Can I be content? Can I be content with what I've accomplished? Can I be content knowing what more I can do? Can I be content with the path the Randy from college has taken compared to mine? I know I can be content with my income, but what about this place in my life right now?

The wrestler that I am finds it hard to be content. I want to wrestle for more. I want that daring chance to see the backside of God. But in my wrestling, am I completely overlooking the blessings right before me and amongst me? You know God really is good--even when I whine about being without.

"Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth." Matthew 5:5 NIV.

I want the earth. That's part of my wrestling for more. God has placed in me so many dreams and wild ideas to reach the world. It's hard to be content when there is so much I want to do now, go now, accomplish now.

What was that beattitude again? If I'm meek, I will inherit the earth. But what is meek? It's one of those words we Christians throw around so much that the meaning of it is taken away. Add grace, saved, blood of Jesus, to that list.

The Old Testament translates meek as poor and needy, poor and weak, poor, humble and afflicted. Now that is exactly my complaint! I want to inherit the earth but God is such a tightwad. Ewww. No wonder that word is not too popular these days. Even Webster's defines meek as "modest, mild, submissive."

When it comes to my attitude, my responses, toward God I am modest. I only want what Moses and others got. God, after all, owns the cattle on a thousand hills. I‘m not asking for all of the cattle. I am mild towards God. Even when I'm praying from deep in my gut, it is mild compared to the chaos that is all around. And I am submissive toward God. Have you ever tried to not be submissive towards God? If you have, you don't often repeat yourself.

A good definition of meekness that I am learning is controlled strength. I have all the strength in the world--or on a thousand hills--because I have direct access to the Owner. But it is controlled because having a meek spirit means I accept His dealings with me as good. Even where I am at now. The greatest example of this is Jesus, especially at His crucifixion. He had at His command armies of angels, but instead He allowed Himself to be crucified for us. That is controlled strength. As a wrestler I can live with this.

I also need to be meek towards people. Here lies my problem. I am to be modest, mild and submissive. I am to have controlled strength. That could be easy, depending on who.

For me, when it comes to other people who are computer programmers, nurses, car mechanics or even pastors I have no problem with a meek spirit towards them. It is those in my field of work that I nick-pick their preaching apart, their lifestyle apart, who make me scream to my husband "why them and not me with that opportunity because..." The list starts.

For the most part, my husband, my true audience and sounding board, agrees with me. That list appears to be accurate. What is wrong is that I am actually backbiting ministries and people God has blessed and has chosen to use. They may not have the formula correct but God has chosen to move in this direction. God could call a thousand angels to stop the work of this person, but He doesn't. He allows it to go on for reasons far beyond me and He allows me to stay in the spot I am at for reasons far beyond me. Can I be meek in how I handle this? I need to so I can inherit the earth. But can I do it as I learn this process as I write? It's crucifying to my soul because it is a sin I need to deal with.

This has nothing to do with wrestling for my inheritance on this earth. This has all to do with sin in my heart that needs to be replaced with meekness.

Of course, I could live by the Charles Barkley beattitude, and I quote, "The meek may inherit the earth but they ain't getting the basketball from me." I don't want the basketball.